2004-05-27 - 7:51 p.m.

So I guess I am not as sleep deprived as I thought I would be. The puppy keeps me up for about an extra hour or so, but seems to relax if and only if, I scream obscenities into her cage for about 15 minutes and tell her she's a disgrace to her species. It's only been three days and I think I may need to return her. I have had puppies before, but never one that shits as much as this dog. I swear to God today she lost her body weight alone with one shot. I was quite impressed with her abilities and decided maybe I should give her a week to see what else she can do with no supervision. She peed on my floor again and I stepped in it. Nice powers asshole.

As I was typing away at this fun filled journey to invite you into my boring life, and I got a call from a telemarketer. For arguments sake, let's just say my last name happened to be McGregory.

Me - "Hello"

T - "Hi! Is this Mr. Mack....Orgy?

Me - "Hmmm.....Kind of"

T - "Great because I am from the George Bush political fund acceptance committee and we are looking for donations to assist George Bush in the office for re-election....blah blah blah.....economic funds, political stance...blah blah blah...would you like to donate either $75 or even $100 to help this fund?

Me - "Urm....I'm sorry, what was that, I heard up to political fund acceptance and than I kind of quit listening."

T - "O....K, well we are accepting funds...blah blah blah, would you like to donate today?"

Me - "I am only 5, do you accept payments from bi-sexual, cross bred, eskimo pie eating, beef pot pie chewin, coke can lickin, 5 year old chicken rapists?"

T - "Umm...heh...heh......" :CLICK:

My absolute favorite result. Give it a shot sometime. It bothers me that they can't even get the last name right. What else is fun is mispronouncing their name when they say it. Case and point, yesterday MCI asked if I wanted to change my phone service, so of course I had to have some fun....

Me - "Jello?"

MCI - "Hi, this Tracy and I'm from......"

Me - "Tracky or Tranky?"

MCI - "It's TraCy and I am from MC...."

Me - "And how many F's are they are Trankfee?"

MCI - "F's in Trankfee?? No no, my name is..."

Me - "Slim Shady? Haha, hahaha, hahahaha, hahahaha....."

I continued to fake laugh until she hung up. Good stuff. I hate telemarketers.

So last night, it looks like the Macy Gray voice stealer, "Horse Face" won on American Idol. I can finally sleep soundly knowing that the "soulful" singer won. Another year, another shitty singer with more money than I will ever see in my lifetime. But at least I don't look like a horse.

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