2005-02-16 - 6:37 p.m.

Oooohhhhhh so much to cover in so little time. Well actually I have a lot of time. I don't really have anything to do but play on this site. So let's start it off proper or something.

New stuff!!! If you couldn't tell, I have a guest book now and all my links work. Feel free to leave messages and I will delete them because I hate you all. I'm just kidding. Of course I won't delete them. I am basically teaching myself HTML so if you see crazy shit on this site every now and again, I am experimenting.....like I did in my early teen years. Shhh...I didn't mean that.

So I was thinking the other day of people who get a ton of credit for being hot, but really aren't when you look at them. Thus begins my....

Top 5 Almost Ugly Women

5. Charlize Theron

Charlize almost didn't make the list and still has time to get off of my list. She had potential, but I think all may be lost with her. Now she is almost "mousie" which is not a good quality. She is all right looking, but she has a lazy eye. Can never tell which way she is looking and who she is looking at. Work on that "eagle eye" of yours, and maybe you will get your depth perception back. And just maybe, you will get off of my list. Now go try to walk a straight line.

4. Cameron Diaz

Cameron Diaz never has been and never will be hot in my book. She has an odd head that is almost triangular in shape. She's too skinny and she can't act. I give her an overall 4 on the erecter scale and say I wouldn't touch her unless I was drunk. She also has a sort of bird neck thing going on which makes me want chicken really bad.

3. Liv Tyler

Oh Liv Tyler, let the nightmares begin. She looks too much like Steven Tyler to be hot and anyone who says differently is not only wrong, but gay. She is not only pale as my legs, but ugly to boot. It was a battle between this "vixen" and number two. When I say number 2, I do mean shit. She looks like she battled feces and it turned her cross eyed. Nice lipstick by the way. You look like a whore.

2. Julia Roberts

I really don't see it. This broad is ugly. Case closed. You want explanation on this? I wouldn't fuck her if I was a horse looking for a mate. She has a fucking GIGANTIC mouth, shes ugly as sin, she's horse faced, and if you look at her picture for too long, you see that she has odd features. It may just be the horrible pic and I doubt that, but her eyes are off centered, her HUGE MOUTH is off centered, and she has a Leno chin. I still can't believe she named her soon to be extremely ugly kids Phinnaeus and Hazel. What happened to good old names like Bill, Mike, Sarah, and Lindsay? Now we have to name our kids after colors, fags and fruit? I guess that happens when you have twin calves.

1. Nicole Kidman

Let's start with the positive, you can't act, your movie choices are horrible, you made a lesbian movie with your husband and lost him, and you were in the movie "Batman Forever". Now to be gentle at first. You have a six-head. It's waaaaayyyyyy to big to be a forehead. Most important, you look like a retarded gopher. To be mean about it, you look like a hybrid between a hamster, siamese cat, and a little beaver. I am surprised you even have a career. You should be shunned from the limelight and burned at the stake. You adopted your kids because you refused to have children in fear that it would ruin your body. God knows it would take the attention off of your crossed eyes and squirrel cheeks for once and we can't have that.

Well that was fun, and now I'm off to go kick some puppies. Later my peepz.

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