2004-06-11 - 12:14 a.m.

Ever have one of those days where shit just keeps going wrong, but you don't care? I had one of those yesterday. This is probably not going to be funny because it's 12:43 and I am really tired but lets start from the moment I woke up.

I woke up at 7:30am and of course being stupid as hell when I first wake up, I turned off my alarms. Within four seconds I was back asleep. I woke up at 8:15 when I have to be to work at 9. So naturally I tried to hurry out of bed not realizing my leg was asleep and ate shit face first on the floor. I knew this day was going to suck but I decided to push on anyways. I quickly put on my wrinkled khakis and wrinkled Polo shirt and ran to put in my contacts. As I started to run towards the bathroom, I found myself back on the floor after kicking my door with my bare foot. I sure hope I don't lose any nails. I put myself together and ran my dog outside. My first step was into a giant puddle which got my pants and my sock wet. I was quite pissed off at this point, and ran the dog to the front yard so she could create some smelly mexicans on my front lawn. Afterwards, I was walking back towards the house and noticed I stepped in dog shit. Ran the dog back in the house, tossed the dog back in her cage, changed my fucking sock, and bolted out the door. About half way to work I called my work and said I was going to be a wee bit late. That was followed up by my phone dying on me so I tossed it on my passenger seat. It bounced off the seat and fell either into another dimension, or my car ate it. Now keep in mind I have only been up for about an hour. I parked nice and far away from my work, made my car regurgitate my phone and half ass ran to the door that you need a key to get into. As I dug through my pocket, I had the sudden realization that I never grabbed it and had to go in the front door. At that exact point when I noticed this bull shit, the God damn automatic sprinklers turned on and needless to say I got a bit wet. The rest of the day went fine, but what a crazy morning. If I never kick a door in my bare feet again, it will be too soon. When I got to work, I just kind of laughed at it because there is really nothing else you can do with that. Either that or go on a massive killing spree but I have already done that. I think they called it Columbine. Those bitches need to bring back my trench coats, it's cold in Chicago.

Speaking of pointless shit, is Ronald Reagan officially dead yet? That dude has been on tour for the past week. He has been touring the US more than any rock band. I am going to make up tye-dyed T-Shirts that say "Reaganamix Tour: 2004-?" and photochop a picture of him smoking a joint and giving the peace sign. Either I am really tired, or that shit is hilarious. I am sure they will bury him some time in the next month before the smell starts to get too bad. He's been dead for quite some time and still is taking a tour bus around the US. They should put bumper stickers on the casket of all the cities that have been "Reaganized" during his tour. I wonder if the Secret Service would still jump in front of him if someone shot at him? Wouldn't make much sense to me.

"Mr. President! Wake up! I won't lose you dammit!" Heh Heh....

Speaking of tye-dyed useless hippy shit, Phish broke up. I am really upset that they can't play their 18 minute songs that sound like them tuning up their guitars and shit. They are to music, what Yanni is to talented. Their shit sounds like elevator music. The only thing that's worse than them is STD's and that's a close race.

Speaking of horrible fucking bands breaking up, Creed is no longer one long haired gay unit anymore. There is another pack of jack off's I never could stand. I really don't understand how someone who is that "in touch" with religion could show up on stage bombed and talk shit about the audience and than call himself the lead singer of a Christian band. Go get a hair cut you retarded ass hippy.

And finally, speaking of the physically handicapped, Ray Charles died today. I guess he won't be making anymore Pepsi commercials. I couldn't even tell you one song his ass sang.

Now that I have confirmed my fate in the fiery depths of hell, I think it's time to finally go to sleep and see if I can stop laughing at the Reagan bumper sticker thing.

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