2004-11-09 - 11:29 p.m.

Welcome back my skanks of the net. I am bored which means it's time to rip on people. Being in the good mood that I am, this should be interesting.

Let's start it off proper with fag bags. These are also known as "fannie packs" and "ass holsters". I never quite understood this, but it seems to be a vacation thing that people wear these things on. I guess they are too fancy for everyday use? Who knows? I do. They are probably some of the dumbest fucking things ever created. Let's break this down shall we? Indeed. To begin with, we have a seat belt that straps in the blasphemy of apparel onto your hip. They are complete with a bag and typically a zipper. I have seen them in neon green and I have seen them in the luxurious black pleather. I guess these fucking assfaces wear these in place of carrying a wallet, and keep things like their money, keys and testicles in them. The only gayer thing a guy could wear is a scarf. The other portion of people who wear these things are fat old women. Why you ask? Because they are fat and old and don't know any better. Please help me in the cleansing process by shooting anyone wearing these creations in the crotch. In order to stop this from spreading, you have to remove the ability to breed. The sooner these eye sores are gone, the better.

Now that I got that out of the way, let's move to the most important thing happening in my life right now. My dog, being the bitch that she is, currently is having bleeding crotch problems. I first noticed this when I found little drops of cherry Kool-Aid on my floor. After tasting four or five of said drops, I realized this was no Kool-Aid, but crotch blood from a dog in heat. I am quite familiar with the taste as I usually keep about two or three cups of it under my bed. Let's move to my point. I have heard horror stories about women who have their period and have more than just blood come out. I thought about this and I just gagged....Now I am semi-curious if I am going to be finding any dog crotch chunks in my room in the near future. I seriously hope not. I am hungry though....

Skipping right along, we have reality TV. I think everyone by now has seen at least one episode of some form of reality show. Whether you watch "The Real World - Lesbian Tree House", "Surivor - Attack of the Angry Black Guy", or "Road Rules - When Homosexuals Attack", they all have the same stupid fucking announcer who says the same shit in every single show.

"The contestants, Bill, Bob, and J.D., are all hot models, but they have a secret that Suzanne doesn't know about. One or possibly all of these guys, are either gay, straight, or has AIDS. And there's one final twist, Justin and Sherry are back in the game, and they are looking for revenge! Now they all must spin the wheel of death, eat broiled buffalo taint, swim with an electric eel who spits maggots at you, and face the most mind blowing stunt ever....THE HELICOPTER JUMP AND LAND ON THE PLATFORM WHILE SQUEELING LIKE A PIG AND FLAPPING YOUR ARMS, OR FALL DOWN AND GET EATEN BY RABID RETARDED CHICKENS INTO A VAT OF COW CUM! And.....there's yet another twist...."

This fucking stupid shit goes on and on like this and it finally ends with one of these inbreds winning a million dollars and banging the chick who tossed a cat's salad while jerking off a horse. Then.....they air their marriage on NBC....I hate it. It's spent so they need to just let the shit go. There is a reason that shows like Friends and Seinfeld were successful, they had a good cast of ACTORS! So quit it NBC and FOX you fucking whores.

I would end this here but I feel the need to rant about something else. Where the fuck did customer service go in this country? I ordered a pizza tonight from Dominos and was shocked when the guy said, "Enjoy the pizza and have a nice night". I am so used to people who have the personality of a used douche bag helping me out, that it's weird when people are nice. A fine example of this is I had to call Nextel for something at work. I spoke with the CUNT who picked up the phone and it went like this.

Nextel Cunt - "Nextel blah blah blah how may I help you?"

Me - "Ya, I have phone num..."

NC - What be the phone numba?"

M - "Umm...Ok..It's 546-546-5465. This accou..."

NC - "Hold on, I aint got that up yet."

M - FUCK YOU BITCH STOP CUTTING ME OFF! (That of course being said on mute)

NC - "Ok, and what up wit dis?"

M - "Hrm...Ok, what is up wit dis is it is missing the da..."

NC - "What do you THINK is.."

M - "Ahem....IT'S MISSING THE DATA SERVICE ON IT. I NEED IT ADDED."

NC - "I can hear you jus.."

M - "K, ADD THAT! K? K THANKS! BUH BYE THEN......bitch"

It was impossible to get a word in on her because she was constantly cutting in which immediately brings out Asshole Ryan...I love it. If I made her day just that much more shitty, it was all worth it.

All righty fuck faces, I am off like the vote count for the election.....BURN!!! Peace out.

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