2005-02-18 - 8:31 p.m.

My name is Ryan, and I have a problem. It has been bothering me for some time and I believe it may be a good time to air this now that a lot of people I know read this. It's been over a year and I am not embarrassed about this anymore. I feel I can go to my friends with this problem so please don't let me down. I do not believe there is a solution, but maybe....just maybe someone has one for me. I am addicted to something and this is my cry for help. I hope that someone....anyone....please help me find the assistance I desperately seek.

My name is Ryan, and I am completely addicted to...The OC.

*cues up intro music*

"California here we come, right back where we started from. California!!!! Ahhhh hooooooooooo"

....I know what you are thinking. Don't judge me yet. For Seth never judged Summer. For Sandy never let Kirsten go without finding out the true problem. Ryan never let Marissa run away without at least giving a chase. I have been there for the good times. When Ryan and Marissa were happy, when Sandy brings home Chinese for the family, when Seth finally got to be with Summer alone. I remember it all and I am saying this proudly. I love that show. Dammit with all it's goodness I like it. I can't help it. It's embarassing as hell, but I feel the need to get it off my chest.

Now that we got that over with, let's start the fun stuff. Tonight I plan on drinking my body weight in alcohol if that is possible. Being drunk is possibly the most fun thing you can do in your life. I guess I should say "unless you are an alcoholic", but keep in mind that this is my diary. I'm not politically correct so bite my ass. Anyways, I remember when I was visiting a friend at University of Indiana, I disrupted my perfect zone of alcohol for the first time. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's when you drink a shit ton of alcohol, remember everything, and everything is just great. You know your limit usually. After about 10 times of throwing up hard alcohol, I realized my zone does not include straight shots of Vodka, Rum, or Man's Ass (its a Greek alcohol). I got in this perfect zone where I could drink all night and stay drunk until I stopped. It was fantastic. I decided it would be a fun night to do some Jello shots. And boy did I ever. Raspberry, Cherry, Grape, Orange and Lime. I couldn't have enough of those things. After about 10 of them, I decided there wasn't enough alcohol in them and starting drinking Captain and Coke. Well the party ended and I was still perfect. I felt great, I was on fire with comedy, and couldn't wait to back to her dorm room and pass the fuck out. Well when we got there, I sat down on couch. After about three seconds of the room rotating and shaking around me, I realized I didn't feel good and needed to go to the bathroom to toss some salad. Cookies! Toss my cookies! So I stood up, got about two feet, opened her door and turned my head and puked. I threw up everything that has ever been in my body ever. I threw up stuff my mom ate when she was pregnant with me. With my eyes pinched shut, I unloaded the entire rainbow of alcohol. I immediately began sweating, coughing, crying, everything. The whole nine yards. After what felt like 10 minutes of straight up vomit, I opened my eyes. I looked in disgust at what I had just done. I threw up all over her clothes. Not only on her clothes, on/in her shoes, in boxes, all over the place. I only missed the ceiling. Apparently when I turned my head, I puked directly into her closet. I was so fucked up, I pointed, and I laughed. I laughed for a good 5 minutes about it. After the amazement wore off from everyone, they all laughed. From there, I stripped off my puke ridden clothes, and past out on the floor in my boxers. Mom would be so proud! I would love to hear someone with a better puke story then that.

Okay, one last thing. Have you ever scared your dog? I mean really fucking scared your dog to the point where they start freaking out? Dogs fight or flight survival instinct depends on a lot of thrashing, freaking the fuck out, trying to run as fast as they possibly can, and biting everything in their way. I just scared the shit out of my dog and she bit my leg, and barked while trying to run on my wood floor and going no where. I am still crying laughing at the fact that she bit me. Good times.

Well that's just about all I have to say and I am not really sure how to end this one. I guess any ending is all right, so long as I don't just end it out of nowhere.

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