2004-07-18 - 2:57 a.m.

I'm a wee bit drunk and haven't updated in a while so I think it's due time.

My doggy is doing good. She is almost house trained despite still stepping in pee every once in a while. She needs to go to the vet pretty badly. Donations would help? That should cost me about $150. However that is still cheaper than when my girlfriend takes her/my old dog to the vet. When she takes our dog to the vet it costs her around $300. Which brings me to my point. I am convinced that when men in general see a woman walk into any store they think, "Cha-Ching!!!" This goes back to her getting her oil changed and paying about $100 for it when I got mine changed at the same place and paid $30. Making shit up like....

"Mechanic": "Well it seems like your AX Multi-Functional Quantransulator may have a leak in the flux-decepticon. I can fix this for only $50."

Girlfriend: "Ummm....what the fuck are you talking about? Did you just say decepticon?"

M: "Ya...this model car is the only one that has such a part and if its not replaced, it can make your engine fall apart."

G: "I don't know what that is, but it sounds important...I guess fix it"

M: "Muahhahahaha umm....what? Okay, let me wave my magic wand over your hood and Poof! It's all set! $100 please"

I am in no way taking a crack at women, this is strictly aimed at the asshole salesman. They know you don't know shit about cars so they fuck you over as best they can. I guess taking advantage of someone is a sales person's gimic but damn. They are douche bags about it. I fucking hate sales people as you can tell in my telemarketer thingy a few weeks ago.

Moving onto more fun topics. Let's see where tequila takes me.

Have you ever noticed how guys when they drink get touchy feely dancy on girls who don't like them? They always seem to find the girl who isn't into that and is making faces towards their friends to save them. The guy thinks they are pimp because they are dancing with a chick, however the girl is making a face of, "He is trying to eat my hair, I hate him, and I think he peed on my ass....GET ME THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM!!!!" So I guess this is a message to all guys who act like dick fours when they drink, QUIT IT FUCKO CUZ YOU'RE A FAG! GO HOME AND JERK OFF!

Let's move onto the new breed of fuck stains that need to be slammed in the face with a hammer about 6 or 7 thousand times. The fucking ass faces who hit on your girlfriend right in front of you, but you are convinced they are gay. These jack offs that will poke, make fun of, compliment/hit on, touch your girlfriend in a way that makes you want to sodomize them with a heavy power tool. So to fuck with them back, I compliment them and make myself gay for a minute. Tell them how nice their pants look or how the shirt brings out their eyes. It will weird them out to the point that they will run away. Especially if you do it wearing your mom's clothes.....what?

Finally, I will touch on food and alcohol. I have realized over my alcoholic times, that no matter what it is, I will eat it when I'm drunk. Food that tastes like shit, but I can't live without when I'm drunk. For example, tonight I didn't have any food in my house so I dipped a Cooler Ranch Dorito chip into nacho cheese dip. I have been eating this for about twenty minutes now and I show no sign of turning back. I am sure tomorrow I will wonder who shit in my mouth while I was sleeping, but right now it's sex to me. Another time I ate smoked sausage....that's not weird right? Well it is when it's on a tortilla with spicy ketchup and cheese. As a side dish, I made myself a bowl of cereal with orange juice because I am ghetto and didn't have milk. I remember about 2 years ago I ate macaroni and cheese. For some reason it wasn't enough so I added a little something into it. Let me tell you something, Garlic Macaroni and Cheese with broken up potato chips is not as good sober as it is when you are drunk....stupid Bicaradi.

I think tequila has talked enough for the night, so I am off like a prom dress. Later my faithful bitchez of the internet. If you read this entire thing, you are a fag. Now piss off....fags.

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