2006-01-10 - 6:26 p.m.

Christmas and New Year's Eve have come and gone. Another year completely flew by. It amazes me how quickly time goes by now. Maybe I really am just getting old. Aww....that sucks. It happens to the best of us though.

I don't really have much to update about with my life. Same old shit, just a different day. So let's just start typing as always and see where my twisted mind takes us.

So I got a digital camera. Decided to give myself a little Christmas present. Pretty nice, but it's "Red Eye Removal" sucks a giant dick. However, here is my puppy!

She's so cute, despite being a total pain in the ass. If you are wondering why her eyes are two different colors from the flash there is a good reason. Her eyes are two different colors. Her left eye is brown. Her right eye is half brown and half blue. Pretty cool stuff.

So I have done nothing but take pictures of random retarded objects with my camera. I took a picture of an ashtray, my friends before and after of New Years Eve in which we got completely wasted, my shoes, a pair of socks and many pictures that I will sell on the internet of my sweet ass. That is the problem with having a digital camera. Sooner or later, you start taking pictures of your crotch.

Christmas Eve was fun. I did something I haven't done in a really long time. I decided to try to get nice and wasted during the day so that when my relatives came over, I could tolerate them. Well...I did too good of a job and got a tad sick. As it turns out, you really can throw up your body weight in vomit. Little known fact, but very possible. As if puking isn't bad enough right, I passed out in the bathroom. Why is it, that when you are drunk ass and puking, you always pass out in the bathroom? I am talking head rested on the toilet seat, hand in the water, sweating profusely, passed out on the toilet. I had my head in the toilet, dizzy as shit, rotating between puking and sleeping. I was talking to myself about God knows what and had a good laugh about it in the morning. Well, little did I know, my cousin or someone walked in on me and I became the talk of the party. Apparently, coming out of the bathroom sweating, and swearing about how the world won't stop spinning is funny to everyone but the person this is happening to. I was made fun for hours on end and if I can provide entertainment like that, I feel better about myself. At one point, I got tired of going back and forth between my bedroom and the bathroom so I just said fuck it and puked in my room. I puked on my hat. I puked on my floor. I puked on myself. I puked everywhere. Wow, those last 4 sentences really sound like a drunken Doctor Seuss book. I eventually hit bottom and had the joy of dry heaves. I don't know if anyone has had these recently, but I suggest it. It's very liberating screaming red faced as hard as you can, without making a sound. It's like going through the motions of screaming, but not actually screaming. I fake screamed in my hat, on my floor, I....fuck it. You get it. It was awful.

New Years I was at least able to keep everything down, but wow was I ever fucked up. I don't remember most of that night. I remember we started playing cards and drinking around 8:00pm. Then....I remember getting tired around 3:30am completely shit faced trying to force more beer into my body. The middle is a blur though.

And so ends another epic tale of alcoholism and vomit. It was a fun holiday season with all the drinking and puking, and puking and puking and puking. I should have taken pictures of that instead of my dog and ashtrays...

The joke circle is complete and I can go now.

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