2006-01-18 - 10:29 p.m.

Hello everyone, and welcome. Please be seated as the show is about to begin...

*cues up cheezy 80's theme song*

Ryan enters stage center.

"Believe it or not, I'm walking on air. I never thought I could so freeeeeeeeeeheeeee! Flying away on a wing and a prayer! Who could it beeeee? Believe it or not, it's just meeeeeeee!"

Thank you! Thank you! So, I was reading the news on Yahoo and came across a gem of information. The entire article can be seen here.

Ricky Martin has struck back at critics who have attacked his ability to run his humanitarian foundation because of controversial statements the pop star made about his sex life in Blender magazine. In a letter in Spanish posted on Univision.com, Ricky said, "At the time I granted the interview never did it cross my mind that my comments would spark this absurd and sensationalist public discussion. I cannot avoid speculation about my career and life, but I cannot allow those for whom my foundation works to be affected because I am a public figure."

To begin with, Ricky Martin hasn't been a "public figure" for about 10 years now. And why, oh why, would he think that him talking about his sexual relations NOT make the news? Let's read on.

The backlash stems from an interview published last month, in which Ricky told Blender, "I love giving the 'golden shower.'"

Let's stop the crazy train for a second. By a show of hands, who knows what a Golden Shower is? Anyone? Ok, please click here so you can better understand what he is talking about. Or just wait about two sentences and I will explain. Does this fucking moron need someone to run his PR? Is his agent retarded or just that stupid? I mean, seriously, he thinks talking about pissing on or into the mouth of someone isn't a big deal? He can't figure out why, in a broadcasted interview mind you, that this wouldn't be a big deal? It amazes me that these fucktard celebrities can even tie their own shoes.

"I've done it before in the shower. It's like, so sexy, you know, the temperature of your body and the shower water is very different."

Yes, I know nothing is sexier for me than when someone pees in my mouth.... Honestly. That is some jailhouse kind of shit there. I am not one to judge peoples weird sexual stuff, but that is just really fucking odd. If he were dressed up like Hitler, having sex with someone dressed up like Daffy Duck, in the middle of the woods, with bears and mechanical squirrels masterbating Godzilla, I would understand that more than someone pissing on another person. And that also, just so happens to be my fantasy.

Ricky went on to say, "I'm open to everything. There are moments for soft, gentle sex. And there are moments for a good spank in the butt."

No shit dumb ass. If you can allow another person to pee on you, I can't imagine what you would say no to. Like, "WHAT! You want to have just regular ass man sex? You fucking sicko! Now pee on me R. Kelly! Pee on me like I am that 16 year old from your video!"

The rest of the interview is nonsense, but it goes on to say this fucking waste of life mouth breather is the head of a charity. I am sure the people who put money into that charity are proud to donate money. Now I think the charity should be donating money towards the prevention of bladder stones, but that's just me. It's genius marketing.

Well I think I am done now. I just was astounded that someone who should have been coached from day one on how to talk, ended up saying something that stupid. But that would never happen to me since I am, after all....

The Greatest American Hero!

I salute you, Ricky...

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