2005-11-25 - 2:28 a.m.

In keeping with my shitty luck, I bring to you, my vacation. It was not bad at all mind you, just some long long drives that could have been prevented and a lot of lost time. When I say lost time, I don't mean time that I can never get back. I mean time where we drove and drove trying to find our way to a place.

We will start with Friday. I took Friday off of work to relax and sleep in a bit. My girlfriend and I reserved our car Thursday night and so it would be ready for Friday. When we went to pick it up at 11:00, it wasn't ready. As a matter of fact, they didn't even have anything close to it. Thus, we had to come back a few hours later and get it. No big deal, but nothing that a phone call from the assholes (Enterprise) could have prevented. Later that night, my girlfriend had a rehearsal dinner for a wedding she was standing up in on Saturday and I was forced to go along. We headed out to where we needed to be and of course, couldn't find the God damn church. After about 15 minutes of driving up and down the same street, we finally found it. The church's ceiling looked exactly like an upside down coffee filter which I found to be very odd and stared into it as they went through their little ceremony thingy. Afterwards, we had Chinese food and called it a night.

Saturday started off with a bang of leaving for her aunt's house and hitting construction, and detours. Instead of getting there at 11:00, we got there at 12:15. Annoying, but it happens I guess. Keeping in mind that the wedding started at 2:00, we had to hurry up and get there, then turn around and go to the church. The wedding was fantastic and my girlfriend looked spectacular, as always. The reception was fairly uneventful and after many many rum and cokes and a few beers, we began the drunken picture frenzy and took pictures of our shoes. I want to get them framed.

We awoke Sunday morning, still dazed from the night before and headed off to beautiful Galena, Illinois for a few days out in a log cabin overlooking the lake. I would definitely suggest it for anyone who wants to get away for a few days and just relax. After getting lost for about an hour on the way to Galena, we arrived to our massive cabin. The place was gigantic and set up very nicely. We encountered a problem that seemed to stay with us for the entire time we were there. Wasps! Yes, we had friggin wasps all over the place. There must have been a hive somewhere in the place because I killed about 25 wasps in the 3 days we were there. They were not the only problem though. There were also flies and lady bugs all over the place. After many killing sprees, I believe we knocked almost all of their species out of the cabin for good.

Monday and most of Tuesday involved a lot of shopping, driving, and getting lost everywhere we went including being unable to find the only major highway and unable to get out of the complex that the house we rented was in. Lots of fun out there and a lot of driving since nothing is anywhere near close by.

Tuesday, we went to a Mississippi River Museum thing in Dubuque, Iowa. I was a tad let down by the fact that it was pretty small and part of their shit was closed down for the season or something. They did have about a 7 foot croc behind glass that you could walk right up to and see. That is the closest I have ever been to one. They have the coldest, most deadly looking eyes of anything I have ever seen. They peer straight through fully knowing if they had the opportunity, you would be their lunch. After wetting myself staring at it, I cleaned up and we moved on to the biggest fucking catfish I have ever seen. This thing was easily over 5 feet long and probably weighed over 100 pounds. That ugly little fish could probably kill me as well, and I wet myself once more. This about summed up the museum.

As we were leaving there, directly next door was a casino. Me, being completely addicted to gambling, suggested we go in for a few rounds of slots and head back home to eat. We walked in at 5:00 with about $400 total. We walked out at 8:00 with over $1700 total. I started off down only hitting a few slots and losing here and there. Out of pure boredom, and my morbid attaction to 75 year old women, I sat down at the penny progressive slots. I dropped in my first $20, and went up $300. I cashed out, walked away and found some other things to play for a bit. I had to go back though. It called me across the casino begging for another $20. I walked up and after about 20 minutes of playing, I hit a $1000 progressive jackpot. After all the screaming and crying died down, I gathered myself and cashed out. After a few machines here and there, we both were up so much money, we felt it was time to leave and go out to a nice dinner. We celebrated by getting hammered and making fun of every single song that came on the radio. Those few hours were the most fun I have had in a long time.

The only bad thing about Galena, is the radio station. Yes, the radio station, not stations. There is only one station out there, and the rest are country shit. I heard the same 20 songs about 153 times while we were down there. I swear to God, if I hear Mariah Carey, Madonna, or Kelly Clarkson one more time, I will be forced to have sex with them. Err....maybe only Kelly Clarkson. The other two are like STD grab bags.

And I thought my vacation was going to be boring....

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